Defining moments

Well his past week God has talked to me alot. He has shown that no matter what happens or how bad i mess up that He will always love me and He will comfort me . I have felt God's Love so strong this week. God's Love is what I was praying for and asking people to pray that I could find God's true Love again. I had to completely let go of my past. Well her let me tell you a little bit about myself.

I grew up in a christian home and was told that I was a christian since kindergarten. When I was in 3rd grade my parents lost their house and my sister and I went to live with my grandmother. I become upset and angry because my parents were barely around. I became needy and wanted to attatch to every person i met that was nice to me, especcially adult females and guys that were my age. When I was about 10 years old i started getting on chat rooms pretending to be older than I was and looking at porn. I condsider it another form of porn that people dont think about much. Sometimes my conversations wold lead to webcams which never turned out good. Gradually i got rid of the webcam but continued to get on chat rooms for years. In 2005 I got baptized, not that it did anything for me at that time. Sadly the same night I was baptized i was in a chat room until 5 in the morning. The year went by and I was invited to my friends church which I ended up enjoying and that's where I ended up becoming a member. I went to camp with them in the summer of 2006. That summer I gave my life to Christ and I said I was never going to get on chat rooms anymore. I got home and kept wanting to continue with the chat rooms or the porn but I resisted the temptation for about 6 months. It was almost like I couldn't stop but yet in Phillipians 4:13 it says I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me. So then why could I not stop? Finally I get to the sumer before my senior year and I decided with God's help to stop getting on chat rooms, and yet still got on them. When I would get down or feel useless the chat rooms would make me feel special while I was on them. My senior year went by so quickly and I was starting to want God more in my life. I became a member at the church I am going to, right before we left for camp that summer. At camp I started being open to God and letting Him show me some baggage that I was carrying around with me. When I got home from camp I admitted about abuse from my uncle and my family and I took the needed steps to move forward. I had a really hard time and let it affect my first semester of college, by the time I realized it was too late. After the spring semester ended my friends that I had made from the bcm weren't around me and I wanted to be accepted by the people I worked with and I ended up going out with people from work one night and ended up drinking so much that I couldn't remember what happened. They invited guys over and they brought more alcohol with them and we played a drinking game. We had went outside afterwards then everything else is blank except for little flashbacks of things. I was taken advantage of that night. When I got home the next morning knowing what happened I cried out for repentence from God. The pain that sin brings is only bearable with Jesus Christ. Today I write this because maybe there is someone out there that has been abused, or gotten on chat rooms, or looked at porn, or felt the need to be accepted by the worng crowd, or have been taken advantage of. If anything I pray that they know God loves them and is waiting for them to repent and turn to Him so that He can comfort them. He has many ways that He wants to use them just like He is begging to use me.

Lord,
I pray to you today that you would be with the hurting. That even though the pain seems unbearable at times, that nothing is unbearable with you. I pray for those who don't know you that will open up their hearts for you. I just ask that you give them the strength to share with the friends and family that you are the ultimate comforter.