Crash....boom....rise up

For some all it takes is to hit rock bottom once and for others it takes a few hits until you FINALLY get it. After one sarcastic joke, one party, one drink, once not knowing what happened the night before, life was completely changed. Things I said I would never do actually happened. Then a close friend dies, all that is left is anger, sadness, heartbreak, and guilt. Sometimes when I would think of the people I love I hope that their heart was right with God. Did I share enough or did I hide God too much. I know that I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil. 4:13 So I can share Christ, I can Love Him and others, and I can share Christ with others, I can do many things and have joy because I know that He is with me. Here's a challenge, When Life gets rough pray, and listen, just sit in the quiet and listen. Don't just hang up te phone when your done talking because God has something to say!!! "When you fall get back up again" -Toby Mac This quote is so true, maybe even go listen to the song because everyone needs a little encouragement in some form.
Next I would like to talk about my baptism. Before Sunday August 8th I was searching to feel God's Love in my life and I was hurting an crying out. I had been baptized previously when I was 14, and it was more of a follow the crowd, but when I was baptized this time, I felt something inside me, a "warm fuzzy" kind of feeling. I knew God was with me and that when I fall He was going to pick me back up and that I Had His love in my life. I wish I could describe this feeling better but it was so indescribable. In James 1:22 it says Do not merely listen to te word and so deceive yourselves but DO what it says.

Defining moments

Well his past week God has talked to me alot. He has shown that no matter what happens or how bad i mess up that He will always love me and He will comfort me . I have felt God's Love so strong this week. God's Love is what I was praying for and asking people to pray that I could find God's true Love again. I had to completely let go of my past. Well her let me tell you a little bit about myself.

I grew up in a christian home and was told that I was a christian since kindergarten. When I was in 3rd grade my parents lost their house and my sister and I went to live with my grandmother. I become upset and angry because my parents were barely around. I became needy and wanted to attatch to every person i met that was nice to me, especcially adult females and guys that were my age. When I was about 10 years old i started getting on chat rooms pretending to be older than I was and looking at porn. I condsider it another form of porn that people dont think about much. Sometimes my conversations wold lead to webcams which never turned out good. Gradually i got rid of the webcam but continued to get on chat rooms for years. In 2005 I got baptized, not that it did anything for me at that time. Sadly the same night I was baptized i was in a chat room until 5 in the morning. The year went by and I was invited to my friends church which I ended up enjoying and that's where I ended up becoming a member. I went to camp with them in the summer of 2006. That summer I gave my life to Christ and I said I was never going to get on chat rooms anymore. I got home and kept wanting to continue with the chat rooms or the porn but I resisted the temptation for about 6 months. It was almost like I couldn't stop but yet in Phillipians 4:13 it says I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me. So then why could I not stop? Finally I get to the sumer before my senior year and I decided with God's help to stop getting on chat rooms, and yet still got on them. When I would get down or feel useless the chat rooms would make me feel special while I was on them. My senior year went by so quickly and I was starting to want God more in my life. I became a member at the church I am going to, right before we left for camp that summer. At camp I started being open to God and letting Him show me some baggage that I was carrying around with me. When I got home from camp I admitted about abuse from my uncle and my family and I took the needed steps to move forward. I had a really hard time and let it affect my first semester of college, by the time I realized it was too late. After the spring semester ended my friends that I had made from the bcm weren't around me and I wanted to be accepted by the people I worked with and I ended up going out with people from work one night and ended up drinking so much that I couldn't remember what happened. They invited guys over and they brought more alcohol with them and we played a drinking game. We had went outside afterwards then everything else is blank except for little flashbacks of things. I was taken advantage of that night. When I got home the next morning knowing what happened I cried out for repentence from God. The pain that sin brings is only bearable with Jesus Christ. Today I write this because maybe there is someone out there that has been abused, or gotten on chat rooms, or looked at porn, or felt the need to be accepted by the worng crowd, or have been taken advantage of. If anything I pray that they know God loves them and is waiting for them to repent and turn to Him so that He can comfort them. He has many ways that He wants to use them just like He is begging to use me.

Lord,
I pray to you today that you would be with the hurting. That even though the pain seems unbearable at times, that nothing is unbearable with you. I pray for those who don't know you that will open up their hearts for you. I just ask that you give them the strength to share with the friends and family that you are the ultimate comforter.

Questions.....

Where has the time gone? I have my whole life in front of me but yet I feel like I've wasted my whole life away. You make one mistake that you regret and no one can trust that you won't do it anymore. Is there still hope, for a lost sinner like me. When you give in to the world can you go back to God? Is it possible? There are so many things that hint towards no and to yes, i am so confused, is there really a way past this? will i be ridiculed for making a mistake?
Things change as people do, and we can achieve any goal with God. I will Love God and I will live my life for him for now on!! And that is a promise and those that read this will know. When I make a mistake please hold me accountable as the christ follower i should be.

Whirlwinds

Wow, I don't think I have ever felt so much pain. When you disobey God, the pain is endless. But the comfort He gives overpowers ALL that pain. We always have live with the consequences of our actions but that doesn't mean that God doesn't love us anymore, He will always love us no matter what we do. To God every sin is the same, there are no levels like we have here in the world.
So in my Bible Study last week we were talking about what is the the "world"? We came up with alot of good answers. Did you know that sin starts within, and its not just the exterior(actions)? God has taught me alot of things the past few weeks, He has taught me how to love the friends that I have, He has taught me that when I mess up He still loves me, He has also taught me that He will allow me to mess up so that I can come back to where I need to be.
Well My relationship with God was on the rocks the last few months and I needed a serious reality check. I kept trying to get myself involved with the world, and finally there was no obstacles and I jumped straight into sin. The next day when I got home, I cried out to God, I wasn't afraid to hide my sin, I know better than to hide from God, it only makes it worse, trust me. I have never felt God's presence so much in my life since I have decided to change my life around and completely follow him. It's not an easy task, especially when I go to work and see the people that was with. I know that I have to be strong and say no when they want to hang out. It is hard, but God makes it a little bit easier to get through!!!

What does the summer bring?

So I am going to ask a few questions that I would like you all to respond to.

1. When you think of summer what is the activity that you think of?

2. When you think of vacation where do you want to go?

3. What are you going to be doing during your summer?

Well Let me start by answering these questions so you can have an idea.

1. I think of swimming , and hanging out with friends.

2. I think of going to Italy.

3. This summer I am going through James to prepare my heart for fall, I am working, and hanging out with friends, and most of all dedicating more time to God.

These three questions have lead me to my topic today because when most people think summer we don't think about more time spent with God, we think more time for ourselves. A little selfish don't you think. I'm not trying to say that I don't think about myself when I think of summer, I'm trying to say that I/we shouldn't. Easier said than done..typical answer, I've used it many times, just ask my family. God is the person we should never forget, or put ourselves above, but for some odd reason we do it anyway. It's sort of like showing favoritism to ourselves, which God doesn't like when we show favoritism to anyone. God says to love others as we love ourselves, and as Christ loved us. In this world we were created equal but we sure dont treat people like that. Do you remember that Jesus was once human like us? Well He was and He had to fight the same temptations that we fight every day. "It's too hard, I just can't stop" Phil 4:13 says, I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me. So then why can't you stop, It's because you really don't want to. If you wanted to stop you would seek God for help and begin to stop that sin. It's just like in my first post about Addictions. They are things that we "just can't stop" but really we can with God. THe more time we give to Him instead of to ourselves or others around us, the more we will be able ti fight our addictions and the temptations of this world.
What are you afraid of? What tempts you? What things keep you from Spending more time with God?

Where to Look?

in Today's world there are so many people struggling. Did you know that in 2007 37.3 million( 13%) of the American Population was in poverty, or that Suicide is the 4th leading cause of death, or that 1 in every 4 Amercans have a STD's? We live in this world, this is the reality of what is going on around us. Well How do we help those who are lost. How do you come up with words to describe God's love for them. Simple, ask God! Sometimes we tend to forget about God when we see things going on around us so we try to take things into our own hands. Maybe you were one of the 37.3 millions in poverty, or maybe you have thought about suicide, or just maybe you were that 1 with the STD. We all have choices to make, and when your not positive of the right answer or what to do, don't forget the Man who died so that YOU could be living today. Did you know that God could snap his fingers and make your life end because no one on this earth deserves his love let alone his grace, but yet he still gives. He is not out to get us, He loves you and that is why when me make mistakes He still loves us but that doesn't mean to keep making the same mistake or to do something just because He will forgive you later. In a relationship or a friendship, it is not a one-way street. The other person shouldn't be doing all the work to keep the relationship. A relationship works on both ends, you take your differences and you make them work because that relationship means something to you. For example, You just got married and you decide that your wife/husband is your personal maid or the one who is suppose to go to work and make the money for YOU to spend. Well think again, because if that is you, that relationship is not going anywhere. It's the same with God, If we expect Him to do our "chores" for us then God is the only one working on the relationship. God loves you so have a chat soon, he misses talking with you!

God's Unfailing Love

Well, I know I was going to update before now but I was so wrapped up in God's work that I didn't get time to post. From Monday thru Thursday, I was in the city for a missions trip and the group of 7 people did amazing things throughout the week. Monday night we all made and served dinner at the Hope Lodge for cancer patients. There was many conversations, and many smiling faces when we left. When we got back to the church it was my turn to lead the devotional for the night. I talked about the Armor of God in Ephesians 6:10-13. I didn't think it went very well because I was so exhausted, and my self-esteem is still a huge battle. Tuesday came around and the group was working on some projects around the church we were staying at. Then in the afternoon went to a rec center and helped out with the young children there. That night we went out to dinner as a group then came back and had devotions and then we did group prayer, where one person at a time stood in the center of the circle and let us know what we could pray for them about and we prayed for them as we felt led. Wednesday came along and projects that weren't finished yet got done and some went to a park and enjoyed the nice weather to get a little down time during our spring break. Then later that evening we went to a homeless shelter and helped serve dinner. Thursday we packed up and cleaned up around the church then went to the rec center for a few hours before we left for home. I came home and had choir practice right away so i came home for 2 minutes and left again, got home exhausted and passed out in my bed. Friday came along and I didn't get out of bed until late, which I'm sure all of know that feeling after a long week of working non-stop. I had a date around 5 which went really well. He is a christian too and so it's very easy to talk to Him about God and life as a Christian. I got to come home for a few hours before I went to church to help out at my church overnight with the homeless that were staying in our church all week. It was an amazing week that I was completely exhausted from but Saturday I pretty much caught up on my sleep and was late to babysit but thankfully the family was very understanding. When God shows you His unfailing love, How does He show it to you? Leave a comment and let me know :)

Making a difference

Do you know that feeling that you get when you help someone, When you make a difference in someone's life. When you help someone and don't expect anything back, the feeling is unexplainable. Seeing God's work being done throughout the city has been amazing and it's only Sunday. I will be in the city until Thursday, just picture all the people that are going to be touched. I need to back up though. I haven't written in a while because I've been struggling. I was letting Satan pull me in and pull me down. I had just gotten notice that my missions trip in maryland was official, the dates and
everything. Once things were starting to look very positive and Satan started attacking my weakness, my low self-esteem. I was on my knees crying out for help, just searching and at one point I thought maybe it would be much easier to just give up God b/c it seemed like all my problems started when i became active for Him. Needless to say that didn't last very long, I soon fell back to my knees crying, wanting God more than ever. I wanted to know why I was struggling. I talked with my mentor and with a friend from church, and with a pastor, and finally with my campus minister, to collect some ideas and verses or books in the Bible to answer my questions and help kill some of the doubt. I was preparing and trying to prepare my heart for the spring break missions trip that I had about 3 days left for and I was slowly figuring it all out. The day before I left for spring break missions, I went to the Skillet and Toby Mac concert. After Skillet was over and Toby Mac was about half way to 3/4's of the way through his portion he sang his single CITY ON OUR KNEES. I raised my hands in full worship, just giving my heart to God, and listening to what He wanted to tell me. When the song was over I felt renewed for Christ and that I was 100% ready to go on spring break missions and do what God had planned. Me and 2 girls had a sleepover after concert a.k.a "speed pack session" of which I still forgot stuff. lol. Anyway, I am here in the city on spring break missions and I will be here until thursday. I am doing devotions tomorrow night, so please be in prayer for me. I will post on the next two days, then I will post on the last two days but I will also be working with winter relief at my church on friday so the last post wont be until sometime on saturday. I know it's going to be alot coming at you at once but God has given me alot to say so please just bear with me.

Discovery Weekend

I normally wouldn't post about a weekend but this past weekend God taught me some amazing things that I feel the need to share. The first thing even though it's something simple was to be flexible. I had to get to the church early so because my campus minister was my ride there. At dinner we had a gibberish menu that we had to order from, so we had no idea what we were getting for 1st, 2nd, or our 3rd course. On a missions trip you never know what each day is going to be like so you have to be flexible no matter what happens. This particular excercise we had eat all of our first course before we got the next one, so you had to figure out creative ways to get things done if no sourt of silverware was given. After dinner the campus ministers explained that everything we did this weekend was a test to get to know who we were and see where we fit in for a missions trip. Late Friday night I couldn't sleep well so I went into the sanctuary to talk to Jesus and one of the girls happened to be in there reading her Bible and we got talking. God has perfect timing and a plan for all of us and it is amazing to just sit back and reflect on yourself and God! This weekend went by in a blur but God was there the whole time. I learned some new ways that I can just sit and reflect on God, and how He continues to amaze me everyday. I could refer to verses when talking with people and I could go outside and take a walk and know that God is with me just by looking at his beautiful creations. The relationships created this weekend are relationships that God formed. I love Jesus soo much and It is absolutely amazing to just watch all the things that God can do just in a weekend. Just imagine what He can do in a summer!!!!!!

James 1: 12-18

"One of the classic hymns of the church is entitled "Count Your Blessings."It highlights our tendency to tally our temptations and count our complaints rather than county our blessings. Take two minutes right now and compile as long a list as you can of all the items and people you consider as God's blessings in your life. In what ways have you received good gifts from God?" Max Lucado

1. Family that loves me
2. Friends that are always there
3. A christian group on campus
4. Each new day
5. The ability to breathe
6. The beautiful animals and trees
7. My church family
8. The freedom to worship and praise God
9. A roof over my head
10. A car to get from place to place

There are so many things to be thankful for each day and when we think on the things to be thankful for we are taking our focus off the negative things in life that are pulling us away from God. There are so many temptations in todays world with the growing technology. Teens today are faced with peer pressure, and there is an image they are "suppose" to portray or be throughout the years. If you don't have a cell phone or an ipod you are looked at poorly, sadly it even affects relationships with people now. This generation has become self-centered. I am not perfect and I myself have been self-centered at times, and sometimes I still am. I try hard to care about others more than myself but sometimes it is too easy to get wrapped up in ourselves. I love my technology and I have had temptations come up from them that are terribly hard to resist, but I manage to resist with the help of my Lord! It becomes easy to resist temptation when you remember to thank God each day for all the blessings he puts in your life instead of just coming when something goes wrong. Things go wrong when we try to take control of our own lives instead of allowing God each and every day!

The ultimate addiction

Every day goes by one at a time, without a thought of the things we are unconsciously addicted to. We are addicted to our family, our pets, our technology, our church, our friends, and much more. When we should be addicted to spending time with God, and working on our relationship with Him. So many teens today are focused on who is dating and finding the perfect boyfriend. Wow where did God go in that statement? He was never there, that's where the problem lies. Our addictions have consumed us as a society. The fire is dieing, the lights aren't shining. We need to be the generation that changes that. Let's make God our ultimate addiction. The book of James talks about character and it can help us live our lives for Christ. Join with me and my mentor in studying the book of James and learning what God has to do in us. How we are going to make God the ultimate addiction of our lives!!